Domestic Violence

Domestic and family violence takes many forms. It involves violent, abusive or intimidating behaviour carried out by a partner, carer or family member to control, dominate or instil fear. It doesn’t have to be physical abuse. It can be emotional, psychological, financial, sexual or other types of abuse.

It can affect anyone in the community, regardless of gender, sexual identity, race, age, culture, ethnicity, religion, disability, economic status or location.

Anyone in immediate danger should call the police on Triple Zero (000).

For information, support and referrals, call the 24 hour Domestic Violence Line on 1800 65 64 63.


click below to hear my interview with Kim the Manager of W.I.L.M.A Women's Health

Contact W.I.L.M.A for help:

W.I.L.M.A. Women's Health Centre

6 Bugden Place,

Campbelltown NSW 2560

Phone: (02) 4627-2955

website:www. wilma.org.au

What is domestic and family violence?

Domestic and family violence takes many forms. It involves violent, abusive or intimidating behaviour carried out by a partner, carer or family member to control, dominate, humiliate or instil fear.

Domestic and family violence can include the following types of abuse:

Verbal

This can include, but is not limited to:

•                swearing and continual humiliation, either in private or in public

•                attacks following clear themes that focus on intelligence, sexuality, body image and capacity as a parent and spouse.

Psychological

This can include, but is not limited to:

•                driving dangerously

•                destruction of property

•                abuse of pets in front of family members

•                making threats regarding custody of any children

•                asserting that the police and justice system will not assist, support or believe the victim

•                threatening to ‘out’ the person.

Emotional

This can include, but is not limited to:

•                blaming the victim for all problems in the relationship

•                constantly comparing the victim with others to undermine self-esteem and self-worth

•                sporadic sulking

•                withdrawing all interest and engagement (for example weeks of silence)

•                emotional blackmail and suicidal threats.

Social

This can include, but is not limited to:

•                systematic isolation from family and friends through techniques such as ongoing rudeness to family and friends to alienate them

•                instigating and controlling the move to a location where the victim has no established social circle or employment opportunities

•                restricting use of the car or telephone

•                forbidding or physically preventing the victim from going out and meeting people.

Financial

This can include, but is not limited to complete control of all money, through:

•                forbidding access to bank accounts

•                providing only an inadequate ‘allowance’

•                not allowing the victim to seek or hold employment

•                coercing to sign documents or make false declarations

•                using all wages earned by the victim for household expenses

•                controlling the victim’s pension

•                denying that the victim has an entitlement to joint property.

Physical

This can include, but is not limited to:

•                direct assault on the body (strangulation or choking, shaking, eye injuries, biting, slapping, pushing, spitting, punching, or kicking)

•                use of weapons including objects

•                assault of children

•                locking the victim in or out of the house

•                forcing the victim to take drugs, withholding medication, food or medical care

•                sleep deprivation.

Sexual

This can include, but is not limited to:

•                any form of pressured/unwanted sex or sexual degradation by an intimate partner or ex-partner, such as sexual activity without consent

•                causing pain during sex

•                assaulting genitals

•                coercive sex without protection against pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease

•                making the victim perform sexual acts unwillingly (including taking or distributing explicit photos without their consent)

•                criticising or using sexually degrading insults.

Harassment and stalking

This can include, but is not limited to:

•                following and watching

•                telephone and online harassment

•                tracking with Global Positioning Systems (GPS)

•                being intimidating.

A person does not need to be married for it to be considered ‘domestic and family violence’. It can be perpetrated by a partner, family member, carer, boyfriend or girlfriend.

A person does not need to experience all of these types of abuse for it to be considered domestic or family violence.

Who experiences domestic violence?

People experience domestic and family violence across all age groups, economic levels, ethnic backgrounds and across all kinds of relationships.

Domestic violence is about power and control and is primarily perpetrated by men against women.

However, domestic violence is not limited to one type of relationship or one social group. Various types of relationships are recognised within the category of ‘domestic’ including: 

•                marriage and de facto partnerships

•                intimate personal relationships (boyfriend or girlfriend)

•                long term residents in the same residential facility

•                carers; relatives; and

•                in the case of Aboriginal people – extended family or kin. It does not matter whether the relationship is past or current.

Domestic violence can affect anyone in the community, regardless of age, sexual or gender identity, race, culture, ethnicity, disability, religion, economic status or location.

Signs you could be in an abusive relationship

Our relationships and families should provide us with the things we all need, including love, care and support within a safe environment. Sometimes, however, this is not always the case.

If you are unsure whether the circumstance(s) you find yourself in are within the realm of domestic and family violence, please read the list provided below.

Does your partner, your boyfriend or girlfriend, your flatmate, your carer, or a family member:

•                Make you feel uncomfortable or afraid?

•                Often put you down, humiliate you, or make you feel worthless?

•                Constantly check up on what you are doing or where you are going?

•                Try to stop you from seeing your own friends or family?

•                Make you feel afraid to disagree or say ‘no’ to them?

•                Constantly accuse you of flirting with others when this isn't true?

•                Tell you how the household finances should be spent, or stop you having any money for yourself?

•                Stop you from having medical assistance?

•                Scare or hurt you by being violent (e.g. hitting, choking, smashing things, locking you in, driving dangerously to frighten you)?

•                Pressure or force you to do sexual things that you don’t want to do?

•                Threaten to hurt you, or to kill themselves if you say you want to end the relationship?

•                Interfere with your online access or access to the phone?

•                Hurt your children, or performed violent actions in front of your children?

Does your partner, your boyfriend or girlfriend, your flatmate, your carer, or a family member make you feel:

•                Fearful or scared?

•                Anxious?

•                Sick?

•                Numb?

•                Like you have no confidence?

•                Are you having trouble sleeping because of these feelings?

•                Do you have physical symptoms, such as tense muscles or racing heart beat because of these feelings?

•                Do you have trouble concentrating because of these feelings?

If you have answered ‘yes’ to any of these, then there are signs that you are not being treated right, or that you are being abused. If you don't feel safe, respected and cared for, then something isn't right.

If you want to talk to someone about these things, counsellors are available on the Domestic Violence Line on
1800 65 64 63.

I want to stay in my home but end the relationship

Staying Home Leaving Violence is a free NSW service that provides the support you need, for as long as you need, to exclude violence from your home and prevent it in the future. As part of this program, the violent person is removed from the home allowing you and your children, if you have them, to remain safely in your home.

Staying Home Leaving Violence caseworkers help you:

•                work with Police and the courts to remove your violent husband, partner or boyfriend

•                support you through the separation

•                help with housing and money matters

•                improve your family’s safety.

Through the program, you will be provided with a range of support services such as safety planning, improving your home’s security such as changing the locks and putting up stronger window screens, assistance in managing finances, support for children and help throughout the legal process.

Staying Home Leaving Violence is a long-term support program designed to assist you through each step of the process.

You can apply for an Apprehended Violence Order (AVO) that includes an ‘exclusion order’. This prevents the perpetrator from returning to the home. Your local domestic violence court advocacy worker can help you arrange this at your local court. See our legal protection page for further information.

For people renting their homes, the law allows that if there is an AVO the victim may take over the tenancy and change the locks or security devices yourself, providing a copy of the key to the landlord.

If you decide to stay in your home, there are services that can help support you at this time. Support workers from women’s refuges can help you work out what extra services you need, and link you up with them.

If you are a migrant or refugee, please see our section for women from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds. Translated factsheets on the Staying Home Leaving Violence program are also available for women from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds.

Contact

Staying Home Leaving Violence is a free service that operates in 18 communities across NSW. Call the Staying Home Leaving Violence program in your area:

•                Bega - Phone: 02 6492 6239

•                Campbelltown - Phone: 02 4633 3777

•                Dubbo - Phone: 02 6883 1560

•                Eastern Sydney - Phone: 0439 414 673

•                Fairfield - Phone: 02 9602 7795

•                Kempsey - Phone: 02 6563 1588

•                Lake Macquarie - Phone: 02 4943 9255

•                Liverpool - Phone: 02 9602 7795

•                Maitland - Phone: 02 4933 9540

•                Moree - Phone: 02 6752 8027

•                Mount Druitt - Phone: 02 9677 1962

•                Newcastle - Phone: 02 4926 3577

•                Penrith - Phone: 02 4721 2499

•                Redfern - Phone: 02 9699 9036

•                Shoalhaven - Phone: 0459 046 066 or 0459 046 077

•                Walgett - Phone: 02 6828 1611

•                Wollongong - Phone: 02 4255 5333

Wyong - Phone: 02 4350 1748.

I have children

Living with domestic and family violence makes parenting hard. Having children raises new issues and questions about domestic and family violence. As a parent you might be trying to work out what’s best for the wellbeing of your child/children. You might be concerned about taking them away from their home or school or about taking them away from their father. You might worry that you won’t be able to protect the children if you separate. You might also fear that your children will be removed from you if you report the violence.

It is quite often the case that men abuse their partners but not their children. However even if children are not the targets of domestic and family violence it is not healthy for them to grow up in a “climate of fear” and research shows that the effects of domestic violence can last for many years, particularly when other disadvantages such as isolation, poverty, school situation are present.

Growing up in a violent home impacts on children in a number of ways, depending on their age, gender, emotional closeness to the parents, and the nature and severity of the violence

Further information on the impact of domestic and family violence on children and your options is available through the NSW Department of Family and Community Services (Community Services) website.

Whether you are thinking about leaving your partner, have left your partner or plan to stay with him, there are services available for you and your children. Keep in mind that it is always the violent perpetrator who is at fault and that many women with children before you have experienced and recovered from domestic violence.

Please check our Services page for organisations that can assist you.

I have nowhere to go

Fear of having nowhere to go can make it hard to leave a violent relationship. There are short-term and long-term accommodation options available for women who experience domestic and family violence in NSW. Access to your local women’s refuge is through the Domestic Violence Line on 1800 65 64 63. Some refuges prefer not to advertise their phone numbers, but the Domestic Violence Line will take your number and the local refuge will phone you back.

For emergency accommodation because of domestic and family violence, contact the Domestic Violence Line on 1800 65 64 63. They can refer you to the nearest women’s refuge.

For emergency accommodation because of homelessness, call the Homeless Persons Information Centre on Toll Free 1800 234 566. Note, however, that this number does not provide domestic and family violence support services. 

If you are aged between 12 and 18 years and looking for emergency accommodation, contact the Youth Emergency Accommodation Line (a Youth Accommodation Association service) on 02 9318 1531 extension 2 (Sydney metropolitan) or Toll Free 1800 424 830 (outside Sydney metropolitan).

You can apply for social housing from Housing NSW and community housing providers through this website.

Further information about housing options – whether you decide to remain in your home or leave – is available on our page Support if you decide to end the relationship.

I am worried about how I will survive financially

The Australian Government, through Centrelink, can provide crisis payments in cases of domestic violence. For enquiries about financial assistance call Centrelink on 13 1021.

For enquiries about services and payments call the Family Assistance Office on 13 6150 or visit the
Centrelink website.

Housing support is also available for those experiencing domestic and family violence. For more information please visit Accommodation and Housing.

I am a man experiencing domestic and family violence

Although domestic and family violence is more commonly experienced by women it can happen to men, too. Violence against any person is unacceptable. Perpetrators of violence against men include their children, wives or partners, parents, siblings and carers.

Men who experience domestic and family violence are more likely to experience psychosomatic symptoms, stress, depression and alcoholism, than non-abused men.

Domestic violence is not always physical. It can include the following kinds of abuse and controlling behaviour.

Verbal

This can include, but is not limited to:

•                swearing and continual humiliation, either in private or in public

•                attacks following clear themes that focus on intelligence, sexuality, body image and capacity as a parent and spouse.

Psychological

This can include, but is not limited to:

•                driving dangerously

•                destruction of property

•                abuse of pets in front of family members

•                making threats regarding custody of any children

•                asserting that the police and justice system will not assist, support or believe the victim

•                threatening to ‘out’ the person.

Emotional

This can include, but is not limited to:

•                blaming the victim for all problems in the relationship

•                constantly comparing the victim with others to undermine self-esteem and self-worth

•                sporadic sulking

•                withdrawing all interest and engagement (for example weeks of silence)

•                emotional blackmail and suicidal threats.

Social

This can include, but is not limited to:

•                systematic isolation from family and friends through techniques such as ongoing rudeness to family and friends to alienate them

•                instigating and controlling the move to a location where the victim has no established social circle or employment opportunities

•                restricting use of the car or telephone

•                forbidding or physically preventing the victim from going out and meeting people.

Financial

This can include, but is not limited to complete control of all money, through:

•                forbidding access to bank accounts

•                providing only an inadequate ‘allowance’

•                not allowing the victim to seek or hold employment

•                coercing to sign documents or make false declarations

•                using all wages earned by the victim for household expenses

•                controlling the victim’s pension

•                denying that the victim has an entitlement to joint property.

Physical

This can include, but is not limited to:

•                direct assault on the body (strangulation or choking, shaking, eye injuries, biting, slapping, pushing, spitting, punching, or kicking)

•                use of weapons including objects

•                assault of children

•                locking the victim in or out of the house

•                forcing the victim to take drugs, withholding medication, food or medical care

•                sleep deprivation.

Sexual

This can include, but is not limited to:

•                any form of pressured/unwanted sex or sexual degradation by an intimate partner or ex-partner, such as sexual activity without consent

•                causing pain during sex

•                assaulting genitals

•                coercive sex without protection against pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease

•                making the victim perform sexual acts unwillingly (including taking or distributing explicit photos without their consent)

•                criticising or using sexually degrading insults.

Harassment and stalking

This can include, but is not limited to:

•                following and watching

•                telephone and online harassment

•                tracking with Global Positioning Systems (GPS)

•                being intimidating.

Many men who experience domestic and family violence feel a sense of shame about the abuse they are experiencing. This may be related to feeling like they should be able to protect themselves from violence. It is important to remember that it is never your fault and that men, like everyone else, are entitled to the full protection of the law when it comes to domestic violence.

If you are male and experiencing domestic violence, support and services are available.

Domestic Violence Line

Phone: 1800 65 64 63 

MensLine Australia

Phone: 1300 78 99 78 (24 hours a day, 7 days a week)
Website: http://www.menslineaus.org.au

National Domestic Violence Line

Phone: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732)

Same Sex Domestic Violence

Talk to someone if you’re afraid of your partner...

While most relationships in our community are based on love and respect, domestic violence does happen between some same sex couples.

Domestic violence is any kind of behaviour that one partner uses to get and maintain control over the other. This can include:

• Constantly criticising or putting them down,
• Controlling money against their will,
• Isolating them from family or friends,
• Physically or sexually hurting them.

Signs that you might be experiencing domestic violence include:

• Being afraid of your partner,
• Feeling anxious or like you’re ‘walking on egg shells’ at home,
• Changing how you do things so that your partner doesn’t get angry.

Acknowledge what’s happening and get help...

If you think you’re experiencing domestic violence, then the first step in keeping yourself safe is getting information and support. 

Find a trusted friend or family member to talk to or make contact with a professional service.   

ACON can help you...

To get the information you need, check outssdv.acon.org.au.

To get the support you need, call:

• the NSW Police on 000 if it’s an emergency.  If it’s not an emergency call the Police Switchboard on 9281 0000 and ask for your local Domestic Violence Liaison Officer or local Gay and Lesbian Liaison Officer (GLLO)
• the 24-hour NSW Department of Community Services Domestic Violence Line  on 1800 65 64 63. ACON works closely with the Department to ensure they can deal effectively with cases of same sex domestic violence. Their staff will be able to talk with you about making a safety plan, what housing options are available to you and where you can get legal advice.
• ACON on 9206 2000 or 1800 063 060 to make a confidential report or to find out about counselling, housing and other support options.